An open letter to anyone who believes their body has been violated without their conscious awareness -- An open letter to anyone who believes their body has been violated without their conscious awareness -- You are most often referred to as "abductees", or as "contactees" by those who have a more benign view of these experiences. The violation is usually described as coming from an alien consciousness, but the truth is, we are not certain what kind of consciousness is causing these events. We do know that something meaningful is occurring, however, and we have to find constructive ways to come to terms with it.
Let us start by dividing the experience into "cause" and "effect". While there is much uncertainty about the causes, the effects are usually much clearer. This is similar to what physicians often encounter when they first make contact with a new disease (and the abduction experience certainly represents dis-ease). They often donÆt know the cause, but the symptoms are quite clear.
While there are a variety of reported symptoms associated with abduction, several seem to exemplify the experience. These include lost time, unusual marks on oneÆs body, and memories of contact with alien beings.
The most frightening aspect of the experience for most people is the feeling of total powerlessness. It is no exaggeration to say that it feels similar to being raped. Further, while most people who have been raped have some sense of how they can protect themselves in the future, abductees do not have any ready form of physical security.
In a sense, their experience would be much more akin to having breast cancer. One could hardly think of a greater violation to oneÆs body than having oneÆs breasts destroyed. Furthermore, even with all of todayÆs medical tools, there is no certainty that the cancer will not recur. In fact, we do not even know what causes breast cancer.
Yet thousands of women (and men) each year must live with this violation and its possible recurrence. If they can find ways to survive and even prosper in such dire circumstances, certainly there must be hope for abductees. Perhaps, by applying the tools they use to come to terms with their experiences you can come to terms with yours.
When looking at the "cause" of abductions, the first question experiencers usually ask themselves is, "Am I crazy?" -- because this is what they would have thought of someone else who described such experiences to them. What we know for certain is that there is a large body of consistent evidence indicating something outside of the mind of the experiencer is occurring. We also know that our official authorities--scientists, medical professionals, law enforcement officers--do not believe in the existence of aliens. They, in fact, usually think these events are the result of simple misperception at best, or some kind of mental illness at worst.
When discussing the causes of these events in our society, one is often treated more like a witch than a victim deserving aid. However, so many people have had the courage to come forward at this point, that programs have sprung up where people are willing to reach out in a supportive way.
While this makes coming to terms with the causes easier, it still doesnÆt clarify what the cause is. For some, the source of the abduction experience is no clearer than the cause is for those afflicted with cancer. Some cancer patients simply want to focus on coming to terms with the effects of their illness and have no desire to understand the causes beyond simple things they might do to avoid further incidents. Similarly, there is no requirement that abductees understand the source of their experiences.
Some are more curious, however. For them, understanding the nature of these encounters is part of the process of coming to terms with them. Since our cultural authority figures are unwilling to help with this, persons who wish to delve into this area must blaze their own trails of understanding.
While it is nice to have such understanding, it is not particularly useful unless one can apply it in a practical way. The key is to come to terms with the effects of these experiences, both the specific encounters and the impact on oneÆs life as a whole. So, let us take a look at how one can deal with the effects.
The first thought when one thinks of "alien abductions", is that they are, well, alien. They appear to be out of the realm of the known, so how can we apply our everyday knowledge to deal with such events? However, there are many aspects of these encounters which are very similar to experiences people address every day. By applying tools already developed for dealing with more familiar events, we can go a long way in coming to terms with these mystifying encounters.
The first assumption many experiencers make is, "If I can only get this to stop, I can begin to heal." It is certainly true that the healing process is easier when a difficult situation is removed, but it is quite possible for healing to begin even during an ongoing series of unwelcome events. This type of healing is usually experienced as emotional or spiritual growth by people dealing with difficult challenges.
Shelly Taylor, in an article titled "Adjustment to Threatening Events", wrote the following:
When an individual has experienced a personally threatening event, the readjustment process focuses around three themes: a search for meaning in the experience, an attempt to regain mastery over the event in particular and over oneÆs life more generally, and an effort to enhance oneÆs self-esteem--to feel good about oneself again despite the personal setback. (American Psychologist, 11/83, p. 1161)This appears to apply equally well to the experiences of abductees as to those enduring more familiar threatening events. And the tools used to achieve this meaning, mastery and self-image, would be similar in both instances.
Let us begin by looking at how the abduction experience affects peopleÆs self image, and what can be done to make this more positive. Most people who have seemingly bad things happen to them, tend to associate this with punishment. In our culture we learn that people are punished for being bad. Having associated these two, when something we experience as "bad" happens, it is easy to feel that we must have done something to deserve it, that there must be something wrong with us.
So, the first step in healing your self image is to acknowledge that you had no more control over these events than you would over a driver jumping a curb and running you down on the sidewalk.
Some people take a larger view, however, and believe that God punishes folks through events such as this, or phrased in a more benign way, "teaches them lessons." People in Eastern religions refer to this as Karma. If God is punishing you, then you will have to work it out with Him/Her/All That Is. If you abducted aliens in a past life, for example, then you will just have to take your medicine.
The concept of using these events to "teach you a lesson," either on your own or with GodÆs help, can be constructive if you can take the Self Inflicted Nonsense (sin) out of it. Most of us who have taken any risks in life, have a laundry list of mistakes and transgressions, which we can readily pull out to justify any situation that feels like punishment. After you have read your list and reminded yourself not to do these things again, put it away and focus on what you can learn from the current situation.
Another reaction abductees often have, is to feel embarrassed. Most experiencers donÆt think of themselves as "UFO nuts", yet this is certainly how much of society views them. If you think about it, though, embarrassment is really not such a unique reaction. Many people are extremely embarrassed about having cancer or having no breasts. You are not required to tell anyone of your experiences, especially if you feel that person would judge you.
If you think about all the people you know well, you can probably come up with something for each of them where they would feel embarrassed if others knew about it. We each have our little secrets, and as long as we live in a judgmental society, that is just as well. So, choose who you are going to tell your secrets to. They are no one elseÆs business, unless you want to share it with them.
If you had been run over by a driver who jumped a curb, you would feel it your civic duty to describe the events exactly as they happened. Any police officer can tell you that in the excitement and stress of an accident, people often miss details and misperceive what happened. Ask any six people to describe an accident, and you can be assured of six different stories.
However, it is still each personÆs responsibility to remember what happened as clearly as possible and to describe it as best as they can. Hopefully, by piecing together all the stories, we can determine what actually occurred.
Abduction experiences, in addition to having the emotional stress similar to an accident, also often involve mysterious actions and perpetrators, and altered states of consciousness. Needless to say, getting a definitive understanding of what happened under these circumstances is far from easy. Yet, you can do no more or less than an accident victim, which is to tell the facts as you know them.
As in an accident, however, it is important for you to understand that other people will often view these events differently. This has nothing to do with your veracity, or that you might be "crazy". Each of us must look out at the world through the filters of our beliefs and experiences. It is almost impossible to do otherwise. Thus, it is often impossible for people with significantly different histories to have the same understanding of a given event.
Knowing this, you can do several things to make the process of evaluating these events easier on yourself. First, be aware whether you are reporting facts or drawing conclusions. More than one accident victim has been sure the car came from the left, when the tire marks clearly indicated otherwise. The sensory facts they reported were accurate, but the conclusions, based on the confusion of the moment, were not. So, it is helpful to strike a balance between being true to yourself and what you experienced, and acknowledging that you may not know the whole story.
Second, realize that many people who have not had your experiences will not be able to see the world, and particularly your abduction encounters, in the way that you do. Trying to convince them to change their views, without one of you getting significantly new data, will only make both of you feel bad. There is no need that others have to agree with your world view.
If you often find yourself frustrated in trying to convince others of the veracity of your experiences, ask yourself if part of you doesnÆt have the same doubts they are expressing. Just because you had these experiences, doesnÆt automatically erase a lifetime of thinking such things are unbelievable. As you make peace with yourself, by honoring both sides of your own beliefs, you will be able to make peace with the people around you. Again, it helps to acknowledge that you know what you experienced, but that you donÆt necessarily have the whole truth.
In discussing these events with others who are skeptical, you donÆt even have to be adamant about the fact that you were abducted by aliens. You are aware of certain recollections and physical experiences. When you add everything up, the alien hypothesis, while unusual, seems to be the simplest. If someone can give you a better explanation for the data, that would be fine. You want to get at the truth as much as anyone. In fact, most abductees would be delighted if someone could give them a simple, mundane explanation that reasonably addresses all the data. Thus, in some ways, both you and the skeptics are on the same side.
So far we have dealt with how you can maintain your self-image of being an honest, normal person who has had some unusual experiences. We have also addressed the fact that you have not committed some heinous transgression to deserve these experiences. Everyone has difficult things happen to them, and they are not less worthy because of it.
What weÆve been discussing, however, is also part of what these events mean to you. You can do more than pull yourself out of the sink-hole of fear and embarrassment that these things have happened. You can ask yourself, "How can dealing with these stressful events make me a stronger, more mature person? Can I do more than simply endure these experiences? Can I grow from them?" While you seemingly signed up for this course of study accidentally, perhaps you can learn something useful here that others donÆt have access to.
In a way, experiencers are like mountain climbers who find themselves on a very high, steep mountain. If one is unprepared for this, it can be a most frightening and painful experience. On the other hand, if one has the tools to meet the challenge, it can be exhilarating and take one higher than oneÆs peers.
In meeting the challenge of the abduction experience, one must decide if the overall intent of the encounters is positive or negative? Is the challenge to improve the quality of the contacts or to develop ways to disengage from them? Part of the answer depends on what the intruding consciousness wants, and part depends on what you want.
But, how does one determine what an alien consciousness wants? While people often deceive each other, we have at least some established cues for determining otherÆs motives. In contrast, we know almost nothing about how to ascertain the motives of aliens. They could be deceptively kind while plotting against us, or deceptively harsh while carrying out noble intents. Furthermore, their noble intents may be good for them, but not for us.
Absent definitive cues, people have tried to extrapolate motives from the available evidence (e.g. if the experience seems uncaring, then the perpetrators probably are uncaring). We have also projected our hopes and fears onto these inscrutable events. Some view encounters as implicitly threatening until proven otherwise. Others prefer to assume visitors would be basically friendly and have much to offer. However, we have no proven methods for ascertaining the true motives underlying these contacts.
While we may not be able to plumb alienÆs motives, we can determine our own, and this can go a long way in defining the meaning of these events for each contactee. Most would probably be delighted to help expand human consciousness in a positive way. Many would also be willing to accept a certain amount of pain and personal hardship for a greater good. On the other hand, few would want to do anything to harm themselves or the human race.
In addition to these lofty goals, contactees can also feel drawn by more mundane interests, by the feeling of importance that they have been chosen, for example, or the thrill of adventure. These are perfectly normal responses, which occur in many situations.
Since there is no logical, rational means by which you can be assured that the overall intent of your contacts is positive, all you can ultimately do is trust your emotions and intuition. One way you can improve the chances that your intuition is pointing in the right direction, is to consciously focus your intent. You canÆt count on aliens or our cultural leaders to determine the best direction for you, so you must determine this yourself.
You can do so by focusing on what you want from the contacts. The goal is to steer toward the best possible future for you. If the contacts can help get you there, great. If not, your focus will be on disengaging as much as possible and going your own way.
Every time you think of the encounters, especially if you are afraid, think of the future you want to go to. You may not know exactly how to get there, just as a person on a long trip may not know what the next turn will look like. But, the clearer you can be about the destination you want to reach, the greater the chances of getting to that destination. There will continue to be times when you will be lost in fear and confusion. As soon as you become aware of this, gently steer yourself back to the images of the future you have chosen.
The clearer you are about your goals, the less you will be responding to either the fear or thrill of being chosen. From this perspective, you may decide that the contacts arenÆt basically negative, but that you simply want to change some aspects of the experience. For example, you might feel less frightened if you had some forewarning that you were going to have another contact. If such adjustments can be arranged, perhaps the interactions could fit with your desired goals.
If not, you must address the issue of disengaging. While no one seems to have a guaranteed way to make these encounters stop, the avenue which holds the most promise, seems to be to "Just say, No." However, trying to run away or saying, No, the way a child says (screams) it, obviously has only limited effect.
When people in authority decide a child needs a vaccination, for example, they know it will hurt, but they feel it is their duty to do the right thing. Given the roles everyone is playing, the childÆs angry protestations carry little weight.
The clearer you can be that it would be the right action to disengage, the greater the likelihood that you will succeed. This is not to say that it will be easy. Most people in the later stages of cancer, for example, canÆt disengage from it. But some can, and this has been documented.
The challenge of disengaging from a difficult situation is also not unusual in our culture, as many people in unhappy marriages or unfulfilling jobs can tell you. What these people must often do is bide their time and be ready for opportunities out. At each step, they must focus on new avenues, rather than perpetuating the unsatisfying patterns.
In the case of abductions, this means being clear within yourself and communicating to the consciousness you are engaged with, that you do not want to continue. Look for active ways you can say, No, and passively accept those events you cannot bend to your will. If the encounters occur at night, for example, give yourself clear suggestions as you go to sleep that you want to resign from the program.
While this approach is no guarantee that your encounters will stop, it can improve the chances of reducing them. After all, why bother with a human who is clearly resisting, when there are others who are easier to manipulate. It is the same principle as burglars preferring to go into an unlocked home rather than one with a deadbolt and alarm.
Some abductees, once they realize they can say, No--even if it is only to a certain extent--will take another look at the situation. If they can be active partners in this endeavor, rather than helpless victims, the situation takes on a very different emotional tone. Given this, some will agree to continue.
Whether one chooses to take another look, however, also depends on the nature of the experiences. If one has been kidnapped by a band of unpleasant beings, there is no reason to go back. In some instances, though, while the events are quite frightening, the personalities of the consciousnesses involved are actually rather positive.
The astronauts, for example, endured a great deal of physical intrusion and difficult situations, but they felt the people at NASA genuinely cared about them. The astronauts also knew why they were there. Knowing why you are there, is an important part of understanding the meaning of the abduction events, especially if you choose to continue. A good way to get this understanding is to have a dialogue with the consciousnesses involved.
This can be done by going into a reverie state and literally having a discussion in your mind between yourself and the alien consciousness. Picture yourself talking to the aliens and allow for whatever interaction emerges. Some people start by imagining they are beating up the aliens or yelling at them. There is often a great deal of pent-up anger and frustration that must be released before a meaningful dialogue can take place. This is very similar to resolving a conflict in a painful marriage. The people may have very good reasons for staying together, but they need to be able to express their anger and frustration before going on.
Some people find it easier to write down such a dialogue, rather than holding it in their heads. It can also be done with a friend or therapist, or in a group. You can also give yourself suggestions to have an encounter in your sleep. If you do this, it is helpful to write down your dreams when you first awake. This will enable you to review and think about what occurred during the night, and insights should emerge.
The key is to have some kind of clarifying dialogue in whatever way is easiest for you. It is not always even necessary to have the actual alien consciousness involved. Most experiencers have enough of a feeling for what they are dealing with that they can role-play their counterparts quite well. This is similar to the ability couples often demonstrate when attempting to resolve conflicts. One partner will know very well how the other will respond, and the other doesnÆt even have to be physically in the room for both sides of the story to come out.
So, when you try this, donÆt worry about whether or not you are "really" talking to your abductors. The important thing is for you to understand them and your role in the situation. You will be surprised how much you already know once you try it.
As you begin to search for meaning in your encounters, you are also developing mastery. As one person in a difficult relationship begins to get a better understanding of the other through improved communication, avenues of resolution often open up. That very understanding can change the person from feeling like a victim to feeling their own power in the relationship.
While every event in a relationship doesnÆt necessarily feel positive--someone has to do the dishes and take out the garbage--if people understand why they are there and what they hope to gain, if they know they are free to leave (even though that may be a difficult process), then the overall experience can be both joyful and affirming. People have achieved both constructive and joyful transformations of the abduction experience, and it is a goal well worth aiming for if you feel the consciousness you are engaged with is basically loving.
However, before one can even begin to contemplate having a positive relationship, one must learn how to reduce the fear. This is an essential part of gaining mastery. One can develop mastery by learning to say, No, either in a big way, by opting out of the process, or in little ways, by asserting oneÆs needs within the process. However, the first requirement is to reduce oneÆs fear. This actually applies to many relationships in our lives.
Reducing the fear can be achieved through a process called "systematic desensitization". Being afraid of encounters is fundamentally no different than being afraid of snakes or of a demanding boss. Replaying the memories of contact until the fear is drained out of them, is an effective approach. Usually in the movies, or when one recalls memories under hypnosis, the focus is on the drama of the events. There are almost always intense feelings associated with the first recollection. However, if one goes over the events again and again, with the attitude of mastering them, they become more familiar and the fear lessens. Other feelings begin to come to the surface, and often other details are recalled.
One can also consciously rehearse for the next contact. When people face a difficult social situation, such as dealing with a demanding boss, they might rehearse strategies for handling the next encounter. This can also be applied to the encounters we are dealing with. If they occur while sleeping, one can give oneself suggestions to wake up. Even if one doesnÆt achieve normal waking consciousness, one may go into a state similar to "lucid dreaming", a situation where oneÆs conscious ego stays "awake" in the dream.
Being able to consciously take charge of oneÆs responses during contact is not necessary to reduce the fear, however. The process of systematic desensitization, before or after a negative event, can be just as effective.
And, while one may not be able to take charge of oneÆs responses during an abduction, one can certainly choose oneÆs actions during the periods in between. Some people who have cancer, for example, endure their treatment regimen and basically go on about the rest of their lives. They try to ignore their symptoms as much as possible--sometimes to their detriment. These folks think of themselves essentially as they did before, with the addition of cancer as a distraction from their primary challenges.
People at the other end of the spectrum make cancer the central focus of their lives. They think about their illness constantly, focusing on their symptoms, treatment and the latest research. They immerse themselves in the community of cancer patients and healers. In short, these folks take on the challenge of cancer with the intensity someone would apply to a career.
There is no right way to deal with either cancer or the contact experience. Some have immersed themselves in the abduction phenomenon and done very well. Others have been quite content to let repressed memories stay that way--and most are somewhere in between. Whatever you decide, it is largely up to you how central these experiences become in your life.
If you find thoughts about your experiences intruding uncomfortably into your daily life, you can take action to master this. It is likely due to ongoing fear, which can be addressed through systematic desensitization and inner dialogues.
This is similar to people with illnesses who know they have to face painful treatments. They can master their fear by learning how to let it fade into the background. You can learn to do the same. (Yes, the abductors can come for you again, but you can handle it. You have done so before.)
It also helps to have something compelling to focus on that is positive. Ask yourself if these experiences are the most interesting things going on in your life right now. If the rest of your life doesnÆt have much purpose and isnÆt very stimulating by comparison, then the contacts will stay in the foreground. You can choose either to put your energies into making these encounters positive or to invest yourself in other stimulating challenges. But, if you do not take some action to find something positive to focus on, your mind will inevitably drift back to the fear.
Whether by accident or design, everyone who has had an encounter, has been given both a challenge and an opportunity. Those of you participating in ongoing contacts have the additional task of learning how to disengage or learning how to begin healing within the process. This is similar to many other difficult situations people face in their lives. It is not necessary for you to definitively know the "cause" of these events, any more than someone needs to know the cause in coming to terms with a diagnosis of cancer. In both situations one is faced with a difficult series of effects. How you address those effects, by finding meaning, mastery and an ability to maintain your self image, that is the key.
I wish you the best in this endeavor and salute you for your courage in undertaking it.
John S. Waddell, Ph.D.
Return To UFO Information Menu.